Saturday, July 16, 2016

“Hi.”

Pretty sweet title, huh?  I was trying to ‘grow it up’ a bit with other possibilities like “The Polish Wedding of Birthdays” or “The Dandelion Confidential”.  One seemed disrespectful even if it is my heritage and the other too spicy for delivery.  Sweet.  I went with sweet because in all honesty that is the theme of the past few days.  Sweet.  On my fifty-first birthday life gave me sweetness despite my not deserving it…  But maybe sweetness, when a person finds it in life, can be a vaccination of another kind.  A soul vaccine.  That is my hope.

Two years.  Three years ago.  Many, many years ago.  One year ago.  And please allow me to inject here that even the most cranky among humans, when faced with a coming birthday, has a bit of internal churning.  Good. Bad. Dread.  Anticipation.  Memories.  

The days preceding ‘my’ day I had worried about my business, life, my “path”, my journey, my home… Notice a lot of ‘my’s’?  But something magical did indeed happen.  Even though I do not have answers to my own questions, I felt my concerns lift. (Of course, the now lifted concerns felt like a bubbled vacuum in which I could store new concerns!) Still, there is something to be said in the action of giving up ones worries as though you are releasing a toy boat.  The boat feels so safe in ones hands and those cares do too.  They are yours.  Hmm.  Maybe, maybe not.  But one thing is for sure is that those worries, just like your own toy boat, might just be made to float in the stream.  You can always grab onto them even if you release them.  And…you might just see that the boat you made really does float.  It floats?  Floats.  After all..that is what you were making them for…

During the week I also remembered one personal key I learned about myself and had forgotten.  My personal demon is doubt.  Dear Lord, forgive me.  I had forgotten.  I forgot.  Ugh. Embarrassed that all I had gone through to learn faith, I had let doubt run me again.

Well, thank goodness for the theory of “do it, then do it again”.  (I did type “try” the first time.  Yuck.  But the combination of the theory of the Twelve Minute Flail and “Do”?  Remarkable!)

“I’m 29!”

(Well, I thought it was funny). I found myself freed at the laughter shared with the security guard at my insensitivity and my profuse explanations with the grocery man who I believe was not sure what to believe.  Seems like good-natured ribbing is actually a contagious condition.  My whole birthday became filled with my favorites:  A few moments with my son, painting, writing, my mom, my father, friends, time to drive and think and, most especially, many reasons to laugh.

Oh.  And fish tacos…

Turns out, I am not so deep and meaningful 24/7.  

The fact that my birthday also marked the end of the workweek sent me over-the-moon at times.  Recapping the week as I drove – topless (snicker – Jeep joke), I came to another conclusion which both saddened and excited me as many of realizations do.  They can with seemingly uncanny ease slice a soul in half with coin flip probability.  There is no going back to the old me or going ‘back to my life’.  Obvious.

Even as I return to the activities I once enjoyed or ‘pick up the pieces’ – the combination is entirely new.  I am not returning.  My soul is going forward to where it has only viewed a life before, as if watching a TV through a display window and never sure at what it sees.  But going back?  I don’t think it’s possible.  As the sadness of this thought softened the revelation of its truth, it also uncovered my happiness at this new door.  It’s the new door of ‘New’.  (Blast it! Now that’s a title!!)

“Angel(s)”

I have been Blessed with my favorites….

Including a painting of.. the pig of my dreams!  It is probably a very good thing that G-d does not grant a person all one desires.  A hand painting of a pig who I would name “Angel”? Priceless!

Sweet.

Yep, sweet.  Right back at you, Life.  Sweetness.

Lots of Love,

Steph

#pigsarethebomb #mybeautifuljourney #thebrickdandelion #birthdayangels #imjustme #windsparadox